I have Issues

I've had a few things on my mind lately. One of which is why I am scared of so many stupid things. I'm not talking about real scares like murders...see The Murderer Who Came For Me Last Night (Post 2), no I'm talking about stupid things. In the next couple of posts I plan on telling ya'll things I'm scared of and why.

I'll start with Roaches. I have always been scared of roaches. They are black and they scurry real fast. They creep me out. I'm getting the shivers just thinking about it. I'm not talking like a normal girl scared either. I'm talking like one time when I was home alone (for a whole 5 hours or so) I saw a roach in the study and ran out screaming and shaking and then after watching the door for about 30 minutes finally got the nerve to run and shut the door and stuff towels under the cracks so it couldn't get out and my parents could take care of it when they got home. I have never killed a roach. I'm too afraid that they will be faster than me and when I go to squish it will climb up my foot. 

One time in high school, I believe this was the summer after my sophomore year... maybe junior year our family friends, the Bryan's, oldest daughter was getting married. My mom volunteered to house the grooms family and all the groomsmen for the entire weekend of the wedding. We had never met these people and so my mom was freaking out trying to make the house as clean as possible before anyone arrived. We spent weeks trying to get everything perfect. My mom was in high stress mode and we all know that when this is the case we should just stay out of sight and pray that she doesn't spot us. 

Well it was the day before everyone was to arrive and my mother had ordered us to scrub our bathrooms and do one final room clean. I was in the bathroom, minding my own business, sitting on the side of the tub and scrubbing away. I was wearing shorts and the shower curtain was lightly touching my leg. All of a sudden I felt something drop on my leg. At first I assumed it was the shower curtain and kept on with my business. Then it moved. And to my complete horror when I looked down... there was a big, nasty, disgusting, horrible roach crawling on my leg. I immediately jumped up and started screaming my head off. My mom is downstairs and screams to see what is wrong. I run to the banister and start yelling that a roach is in my bathroom and the water is running and there is no way in H-E-L-L that I am going back in there until she kills that thing. She starts yelling that there is no way she is coming up there and I better take care of it myself. By now my entire body is shaking and I am crying hysterically. Seriously I am. After about 5 minutes of my mom yelling at me to get my butt back in there and turn off the dang water and stop acting like such a baby I get the nerve to go check out the situation. 

And what do I see you ask? Somehow the plug has stopped so that the bath tub is filling up and the roach is SWIMMING in the water. Oh ya right!!! Like I am going to stick my hand in there and unplug the drain. So I return to the banister and cry some more. Hoping my tears will soften her heart to come help her darling second child at the age of 15 to just kill the roach for goodness sake! It didn't work. By now the tub is about to overflow and I am tearfully on the floor begging my little sister to do the job for me. She says no. I beg and beg. It doesn't work. I say I'll pay her 5 dollars to pull the plug and then kill the roach. She says okay. Finally, someone is on my side. She gets the job done and I pay up. I still think about this almost every time I get in the shower. I look up on top of that shelf above my toilet and pray that there are no roaches up there today. Thankfully it hasn't happened since. But I have never done a great job cleaning the tub since then. I just get in and get it done asap. The faster the better.

Next to come: Crickets in my pants and in the car. 

New Job!

My parents left yesterday for New York. That means another weekend home alone. I'm hoping everything goes smoothly this time so I can report back and not sound like a total loser. So far so good. I'll keep you posted though. Yesterday I tried to post a video of my mom and two of her sisters doing the dance to soulja boy but it wouldn't let me post it. This is horrible because you people really need to see this video. And I just want to go ahead and clear up my good name and tell all of you that I do not know this dance and did not teach them this dance. But these are the type of things we do at Christmas time. There are no words for what happens in this house when my mom's side of the family comes over. You just need to experience it first hand. Anyone want to come to Thanksgiving this year? I'll really try to get this video to work because it would be a real tragedy for the whole world not to see it.

On another note, I got a new job today! I will now be teaching third grade at Hill School in Grapevine. It is a private school for kids with learning disabilities. I spent yesterday and the day before that over there all day to get a feel for the school (hence the no posting). I start on Monday! AHHH! Oh ya did I mention that they are moving to a new building this week and so I also have to go set up a room and be ready for the open on house on Sunday afternoon. hahaha! No but seriously I am really excited and I can't wait to start! I will have an assistant teacher until the end of the year too. She has been substituting the past 2 weeks while they haven't had a teacher and she has subbed for them bfore and also has a kid in the 2nd grade there. Since the kids are familiar with her she will stay to help me out till the end of the year. This is great since I'm sure I'll be asking her alot of questions about curriculum. Wish me luck!

Addictions

I need to talk to ya'll about an addiction that I have called puzzles. I love them. I'm not talking like sudoku or crossword or word searches...though I love those too, especially on car rides, I'm talking like real 1000 piece puzzles. Usually this addiction only takes place during Christmas/Thanksgiving as my granddad and one aunt are also puzzle maniacs. Please please hold your laughing judgment. These things can not be helped. Well I have to say that it has gotten worse. You see I have this problem that I have to multi task all the time. I can't do just one thing. It drives me crazy. Mostly this really bothers me when watching TV or movies. I just can not sit still through a TV show. So When I first moved back home and after Christmas was over and everyone went home I still didn't have a job. And I was bored to death!!! So I proceeded to conquer half the movies that we own and doing every puzzle that we have. I had alot of time on my hand.

My usual schedule went something like this: wake up at about 9 and do DDR for an hour... I love that too. What can I say; I'm a girl of many addictions. Then I would go take a shower and get ready for the day, go downstairs, talk to my mom, check my email and facebook, eat lunch and then go back upstairs. This is when I would pop in a movie. Well as you know I just can’t sit there so I decided to see if we had any puzzles. And by golly we did. So this is what I did during the month of January. Then I got a job and it was sad and now I have to work and don't have as much time for puzzles. My life is so hard these days! *sigh* So I had to put my puzzle mania on hold until about 2 weeks ago. I decided that I wanted to watch this TV series that I had so of course I needed a puzzle.

Side Note: I really do have friends here in Dallas. I promise. No really, I promise. And their not so bad either even though most of them went to Harding. They just live far away and so I only hang out with them on the weekend. Seriously I do!!

I just want to show ya’ll a picture of the puzzle yesterday when I got home from work. I started this puzzle on Sunday after church and this is a picture from Monday at 5.



Ok I have another confession to make. I've done this one puzzle about 5 times. Stop laughing. I love this puzzle. Not because of the picture, because frankly I'd rather it be a picture of a diet coke, or maybe a piece of cake or something. I'm hungry right now if you can't tell. Ok so here is why I've done it so much though. All the other puzzles are either too easy or too hard. I know I know you're probablly all thinking, "if she's such a puzzle maniac then whey does she not do the real hard ones?" Well although I do like to multi task that doesn't mean I like to think to hard. And when all the pieces look alike and are the same shape... it's just not that much fun.

Ok now here is a picture of the puzzle later that night. I did eat dinner and even watch a movie downstairs with my parents so let's pretend like I didn't spend two hours upstairs puzzling and will just say I'm really fast.


Almost finished! I think tonight while I watch the Biggest Loser I'll finish it. I love that show. Oh and I really don't puzzle every night. I mean on Wednesday night I watch American Idol with my mom and on Thursday night I watch Lost with my parents. So stop judging me already. If you have any puzzles you were thinking about getting rid of then send them my way. And if you have any advice of how to overcome my many addictions then please let me know.

Wrecks

So yesterday my little sister Cara and her friend Melani came home for Easter. I know I know… a bff with the same name as her sister? No e though. Sorry Jenny…I guess I’m the favorite sis. Anyways they left after church yesterday to drive back to Abilene and they got in a big wreck. Their car flipped five times and flew across the median all the way on the other side of oncoming traffic. Thank goodness they were ok. Onlookers said that at one point their car went 25 feet up in the air. They were taken to the hospital in Eastland. Cara had some cuts on her knee and her hand and then she has a big contusion on her shoulder. Melani had some glass in her arm. Other than that they were fine. They were pretty shaken up though and her car is totaled. The people who received the car said they thought for sure someone would have died based on how bad it looked. Anyways just thought I would let ya’ll know what happened. Cara was embarrassed because they sent out an ACU email to the entire school about what happened haha and that means they will probably pray for them in chapel too.

This reminded me of another wreck we had one time. About 6 years ago we were in Breckenridge for Spring Break. We were supposed to leave on Friday morning but there was a big snow storm coming in so we decided to come in early on Thursday and leave that afternoon since my dad needed to catch a flight back on Friday afternoon. We got in the car and started heading out. Thank goodness we left when we did because the storm started and only got worse that weekend. If you know me and Jenny at all you know that we are both freaking out!! I mean I don’t like driving in the mountains even when it isn’t snowing; all that winding makes me nervous.

So we’re in are old suburban with one of those big things on the top to pack all your suitcases and skis in. Jenny and Cara are in the middle bucket seats and I’m in the back in the middle seat. Well my dad is probably going about 10… maybe 15 mph. Though still we kept seeing cards skidding and sliding off the road. Me and Jenny are saying “slow down dad, slow down!!!” about ever 15 seconds. It’s just what we do ok. I’m in the back and I’m thinking well if we get in a wreck then I’m going to be the one to die since I don’t have a shoulder strap. Ok so I’m a little dramatic but I can’t help it. So all of a sudden our car starts to skid. My mom, very calmly, says, “Don’t scream girls but we’re going to flip.” Of course Jenny immediately starts screaming and I immediately start yelling, “SHUT UP JENNY SHUT UP!!!” I don’t think this really helped at all. So then our car is spinning in circles on the road and we start to slide off the road. Oh ya did I mention we are on the side of a mountain? So we start sliding off the side of the mountain. And then we stop.

We all scramble to get out of the car ASAP in case it starts sliding more. Now guess what two cars were behind us? A triple A truck and a police car. So this teeny little truck attaches the wire from his car to our car and attempts to pull us up. Our car is so heavy that his car starts to slide even with the cement blocks against the tire. Ok long story short is about 30 minutes later we finally got pulled out. He told us if we had gone even 5 more feet we would have flipped down the entire mountain. Then we had to all squeeze into an eighteen wheeler that towed us to a car station… all we had was 2 flat tires. Of course they stuck me right next to the driver with no seatbelt… middle children really have it hard. We were pretty lucky.

All this to say… I think Cara handled herself much better in a way scarier situation than me and Jenny could have. Sorry Jenny… we may be older but I think we are the more dramatic ones of the family.

Drag Queens

Well I’ve been out of town this past week in Ft. Lauderdale with some friends and quite a few interesting things happened. I want to tell you about one in particular. Since I don’t have my pictures up yet I’ll have to describe in detail until I can give ya’ll a picture to look at. Don’t worry it will be coming soon hopefully!

So on Saturday afternoon three of my friends and I all flew to Ft. Lauderdale for a much needed vacation *note: I have only been working for a month and a half but I don’t care I wanted a vacation. Anyways the first day we were there we were looking through and little booklet that the hotel gave us of activities to do in Ft. Lauderdale and we came across a restaurant called Lips. I kid you not the name of this place was Lips. And you’ll never guess what kind of restaurant it was… a drag queen restaurant. And so of course we thought, “um we HAVE to go there!!” So on Tuesday night we took ourselves out for a nice night at Lips.

Well Stephanie didn’t come with us that night. She wasn’t feeling so good so she stayed in and Kyla, Leah, and I went out for what would soon become the best night of our lives. We got to the restaurant, which was all neon with huge lipstick containers as the pillars, and got our table. We were sitting in great viewing pleasure of the stage. Our waiter/waitress?... we’ll just say “waitress” and “she” to make it easier, came out to take our order. Now this diva/queen was a sight for sore eyes. She had great dark lipstick on and eyes all done up in a metallic silver dress. Her name you ask? Martina Sky!! She took our order and we were just all smiles and excitement to be there. Well then Porscha, the head diva, came out and she sang us some songs. She was pretty good too… had a real good impersonation of a ladies voice and was hilarious. She then announced each Diva… one of which had better legs than all three of us… so not fair and they lip sang to their favorite songs. Well Martina of course sang “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun”. Well obviously we were probably the loudest and happiest people in the place. Just dancing in our booth and singing along. How can you not be joyful in a place like this I ask you?

So about this time was when our new best friends walked in and sat down in the booth right by us. Paul and Ken have been together for 25 years and married for 5 and yes they are gay. Well of course we just HAD to talk to them. I mean hello they looked fabulous! So after we met Paul… Ken didn’t really talk to us, Porscha got the mic and said “who in here is a heterosexual???” Of course we cheered loud and danced around… one of about 3 tables in the house. Then our friend Paul looked at us like he was real disappointed and said, “oh really? That’s too bad” Well whatever Paul. So we were just living it up talking to Paul, taking him and his man’s picture on his camera phone and having him take our picture.

So then after the performance and dinner it was karaoke time baby!! Well so sorry to tell ya’ll this but I DO NOT sing karaoke. I don’t care that everyone in that place was drunk and I would never see them again because after some real bad acts of other girl groups I was not about to get up there. Well we find out Porscha is from Midland and so of course we call her over to tell her we are from Texas and Leah is in fact from Midland, also we just wanted to meet the Queen Diva. Paul was disappointed in our Texas background too but we made up for it by being awesome. So then Porscha wants us to sing Dixie Chicks, “Earl Had to Die” So Leah and Kyla prepare to go up there. Well it starts off with Leah saying the following in a complete hick accent, “We’re here to do everything we can to make all ya’lls Texas stereotypes come true”. Then she inserted a few “yeehaw’s” every now in then during the song just to top things off. *Video to come later*. Paul then leans over to me to say, “Oh gracious I hope she doesn’t remember this in the morning!” I reply with, “oh totally… and that right there is why I did not go on stage.”

So then Paul and I start talking about Dolly Parton. Now Paul just LOVES Dolly Parton. So I mention that one time in New York I saw her at a Broadway musical. His reply was, “OH… MY… GOD was she just GORGEOUS?” I reply with, “OF COURSE!!! When is Dolly Parton NOT gorgeous?” Then he says, “You are telling me? She is just absolutely fabulous!!” “Fabulous and breathtaking” I mention (P.S. I do not believe any of this to be true of Dolly Parton…. I’m just playing into the night) so then he wants to know who she was with etc etc. Oh Paul and I were just having a grand ole time. Man what a night.

Oh did I mention that Martina Sky thought she was HOT STUFF? Every time she passed a mirror, (which were on EVERY wall in the place) she primped her hair and made a kissy face at herself. When she sang her song she changed into a super short tight pink with black dots dress and pink tulle around the bottom with fishnet shirt that ended just below the boobs. Of course when she came back to our table we announced to her, “how FABULOUS and AMAZING she looked in that outfit” Her response was that she is, “going for the Cindy Lauper look” Leah then told her that she should try some “red in her hair” She said “of course, I would LOVE that”. Oh we were just chatting it up. She is our best friend now.

So anyways that was our night out at Lips. If only this could happen again. It was the best part of our vacation. That and the 19 yr old guy who sang us a song he wrote… I’ll save that for a later post.

Annoying

Why do people feel the need to talk while one person is standing right in front of your desk and the other is standing right behind your chair? It sure makes it awkward for the person in the middle. What do you do? Listen and look back and forth? Stare at your blank computer screen like you are contemplating on the background? Or get up and walk away? I mean it's just weird. That just happened to me for a full 4 minutes. I know because I was watching the clock and thinking, "please just step one foot to the side so I am not positioned in between ya'll and the situation would be solved. Alas, they did not step to the side.

Optimism

I want to start out with telling ya’ll a story about how my optimism affects me. Now I would say that I’m a generally happy and optimistic person. I tend to think that everything is going to work out great and even when it doesn’t I jut make a new greater plan. This usually doesn’t work out either but will get into that later.

So about a year and a half ago I decided that I would get a gym membership with my friend Casey in Abilene. Now I’m sure every female can relate to what I’m about to say. About once a month I make a new plan about how I’m going to lose a ton of weight for this upcoming thing and man will I look good. It never happens. So last year when we got these memberships we were doing really well about going every day and working out. In fact we were doing so good that we decided we were actually going to train for a mini triathlon and eventually do a whole triathlon. Now those of you who know me well will laugh in my face about this and if you don’t know me well then you should laugh too.

So here is what are training consisted of: we would do a few miles on the elliptical each day (you see because I just don’t like the treadmill or running… oh wait you mean you have to run in a triathlon? Dang it!) And then maybe 20-30 minutes on the bike every now in then. In fact I even had to teach Casey to ride a bike. Sure she used to ride as a kid but couldn’t remember how. So after buying a bike at Wal-Mart… a little boy’s bike at that… I’m short, get over it, and those are the cheap ones, we embarked on our adventure. After hitting a few parked cars and some trash cans we were on our way to accomplishing our mini triathlon. Did I mention that one time someone talked me into trying to pop a curb on my bike and it was the most painful thing I ever did? Let’s just say it didn’t work out. Don’t listen to your friends when they tell you to do stupid things. Now Casey also decided to start swimming because as you all know swimming is part of a triathlon. Well to tell the truth I really just don’t like to swim so I decided to ignore that part because when the time came the love for swimming would enter my body as well as the stamina to go the whole way. At least that is what I thought. So now from what you can see the only thing I’m actually doing that will benefit the triathlon is the bike and to be honest we only did that about once a week. But boy were we excited. Every day when we worked out we talked about our mini triathlon and we told our friends about it (they probably laughed behind are back). We are both so optimistic that we never thought for a minute that this might not happen. In fact eventually it faded out and I never thought about it again until today when she brought it back to my memory. I guess I was suppressing those negative thoughts of not completing my goal. Oh ya I forgot to tell ya’ll that this training, though it sounds like we kept it up for quite sometime, actually only lasted about 3 weeks. That’s when we started playing basketball at the gym. And when I say playing I mean we would talk about running lines but then we would just shoot free throws. We were pretty good if anyone wants to challenge us to a two on two match. At least we had good intentions. I really think that we should lose weight by having good intentions and not just by working out.

I have one last story for ya’ll and this story is about the time I decided not to be optimistic anymore. So last semester I began my search for the perfect teaching job. In fact I found one at Dallas isd. It wasn’t too far from home and it was Kindergarten. I love kindergarten because they learn so much and say the funniest things ever. Plus if you need an ego boost just go into a kindergarten room. They are obsessed with you and think you are the prettiest person that ever lived. It’s awesome. So I began the process of the online application. Now this took me about a week… I sometimes “feel” like I’m busy and can’t get things done but really I’m just “busy” hanging out with people. So during this week I began to picture my dream job. I imagined the lessons I would do and how much the kids would love me and how the parents would love me so much that I would get teacher of the year my first year and just exactly how I would decorate my perfect little room… in fact I even drew a diagram of that (don’t judge me). So I was in such a state of happiness I didn’t even think about the fact that I still had to apply, call for an interview, ace the interview, and get hired. Well I finally called the school and to my dismay the job had ALREADY BEEN FILLED!!!! Why God??? Why did you let me get so excited just to dash my dreams! Nothing will ever be the same again!! These were the thoughts running through my head.

Oh wait the next day I found a 1st grade job online. Ok so it’s not kindergarten but wow will first grade be so totally awesome and everyone will want my advice even the veteran teachers because I will have such innovative ideas. Man will I be good. Ok that job was already filled to. This happened about 2 more times before I decided to forget optimism. It was just too hard having my dreams dashed each time. So I finally landed an interview for a 2nd grade job. Ok forget it I just can’t help being optimistic because obviously this is my new perfect position. And since I got the interview then they were going to LOVE me and nothing was stopping me now. Ok so I didn’t get that job. Then a school contacted ME I mean I didn’t call them they called ME! Man I must have done something good and that surely meant I had it in the bag or they wouldn’t have even called me right? Nope didn’t get that one. Ok this happened one more time before I decided to forget teaching for the semester it was just to hard to get a job. I know I know I only went on 3 interviews but I’m not used to being rejected, after all in my mind I’m apparently the perfect teacher that everyone wants at their school. They probably didn’t hire me so the other teachers wouldn’t be jealous.

So I’m trying not to dream so much. Well it’s not working yet but I’m trying not to get my hopes up too much. That’s not working either. Oh well I guess I’m confined to a life of optimism. I hope you don’t have problems like me!

The Murderer Who Came For Me Last Night!!

Subtitle: The longest blog in history! But trust me it is worth the read!

Ok so you might be thinking, “What prompted Melanie to finally start this blog?” Actually it was something that happened last night and I would like to share with ya’ll the ridiculousness that is my imagination.

To start things off I would like to say that after graduating from college in December I have been living with my parents. This is not at all a bad set up, free food, free rent, people who have to listen to me talk, I mean it’s really quite nice but just to be honest I’m ready to leave. So I met some girls in Dallas through a friend and they “asked” me to live with them one day when they move out of their current house… if ya’ll are reading this I still plan on taking ya’ll up on that offer… hopefully it was real offer and not one of those fake invites! But if they do not move out I have considered moving in to a one bedroom apartment for a small period of time. My plans have completely changed after last night.

Yesterday my parents left for California before I even woke up. Now as many of you know when I have the house to myself I do not automatically think “freedom baby!!” I think “ahhh this is scary. Be brave. You can do it. No you can’t. Get out now!” Well awhile back they went to Honduras and I braved two of the nights alone at my house and it went quite well. I’m still sleeping downstairs when I’m alone but it’s a huge step especially considering I actually fell asleep at a normal hour. Hold your applause please. So when they told me they were going to California I now thought, “all right this is good, I need to get used to this.”

So yesterday I arrived home from work at about 5:15 and promptly set the alarm as I wasn’t planning on going out for the rest of the night, I mean hello American Idol comes on at 8 and I have a puzzle going on upstairs that I’ve been working on. What more could a girl in her early 20’s ask for… exciting I know!! So my night was going great. I was puzzling and watching TV, and then at 9:45 the dog decided she had to go to the bathroom. So I went to let her out. When I opened the door I heard a faint bell like sound in the distance. “What is that?” I wondered, “Oh well” I thought and shut the door. About 60 seconds later I thought, “Oh shoot that was the alarm!!!” So I ran to turn it off. I then rummaged around looking for the alarm code key to give the alarm company when they called. They never called. So I went up stairs, turned on some good tunes, and proceeded to dance around while I packed for my trip on Saturday… Now everyone here knows I’m a good dancer so don’t even think about judging me just beacuse I often go to my room and dance around when I’m bored/in the morning when I get ready/every Saturday when I clean. I then proceeded to change into my nastiest of nasty pajamas. I’m talking pants that are 2 sizes to large and the crotch literally comes down to my knees and a shirt that is also 2 sizes to large. Don’t judge. You know you have them too and they are dang comfy if I do say so and who’s going to see me anyways. So I dance my way downstairs (this time to the music in my head) and get on the computer for my nightly email check before I turn in. It is now 10:30 fyi.

Sorry this is getting so long but I like to get the details right. I want ya’ll to feel what I was feeling. So all of a sudden someone is knocking on the door!!!!! Logically I think, “Oh my gosh a murderer has come to kill me while I’m home alone!!!!” This is no joke I’m actually thinking this. Then the dog starts growling. And usually she just barks at the door so I then think, “Oh gosh!! Dog’s KNOW when a murderer is at the door and she is trying to protect me” So now I’m crouched in the study and I grab the house phone to call my parents. The phone doesn’t ring. So I hang up and call the neighbor. The phone doesn’t ring. They have obviously cut the power lines to come and get me so I can’t call 911. This is straight from a movie. *NOTE: Actual thought process. Oh wait!!! I have a cell phone in my other hand! Thank the Lord for technology. I call my parents. They don’t answer!! They hate me and want me to die! I call the neighbor. She doesn’t answer. Why does everyone want me dead!! I’m about to dial 911. In fact I have it dialed and my finger is on the talk button just in case. I know all you girls have been there. Don’t try to deny it. Just accept.

All of a sudden they are in the garage and trying to open the door into the house!!! Oh my gosh how the H-E-DOUBLE HOCKEY STICKS did they get into the garage! I shut the garage door for goodness sake! Then they are at the back door that leads into the backyard trying to open that. Then they are at my parent’s back door trying to get in. I promptly drop to the ground and army crawl/run *it was awkward I know* to the dining room so I can peek out the window. By now my whole body is literally shaking and my heart is about to pound out of my body. What do I see you ask? A man in all black with a chainsaw? Someone in an army tank trying to take over my house? Hillary Clinton trying to kill me so I won’t vote against her? No I say to you, there were two police cars in the front of my house!

All this freaking out for nothing!!!!!! I then run to the back door to open the door for these nice men who have come to check on me and to find out what the heck is going on that they would show up at my house at 10:30 on a work night. So when I open the door of course what is running through my head is, “are they going to pull their guns on me?” Don’t worry, they didn’t. But what IS happening is my alarm is going off and they have come to check it out. Here is what comes out of my mouth when I open the door, “oh my… scared, home…. alone and um the alarm and um I had the call to card and card to call alarm... company... card... i'm freaking out" What I meant to say was, “Wow ya’ll had me nervous, I’m home alone and the alarm went off when I let the dog out but the alarm company never called me and I forgot about it because it was 45 minutes ago.” What I wish I had wanted to say was this, “Hey guys what’s up? Ya’ll doing ok? Ya I’m just hanging out at my house and I was having this rad party upstairs and didn’t hear you knock. Sorry about that. Can I get you a cup of coffee or a diet coke?” I think they got the gist though. So I show them my id and they are on there way.

My neighbor calls back and 15 minutes later after I’ve finally recounted the whole story I’m starting to calm down. Then what do you know the doorbell rings. The police are back. The alarm went off again. Oh ya Melanie that would be because you opened to door for the police the first time and didn’t turn the alarm off. Oh wait you are doing the same thing right now. So they come in and chat with me awhile, my neighbor comes over to check it out as they give me the up down look probably thinking “she is a fashion nightmare thank goodness we came… now she will have the sense to not wear such nasty pajamas even if she is home alone.”

So that’s my story. I blame it on the dog. I mean she was the one who had to pee. I usually thank God for my active imagination but last night as I was cursing the dog I sent curses upon God as well for that imagination of mine. This is what I said, "I curse you god, you mighty spiter, you laugh upon my scardy catness and I curse this dog too for having to pee and setting off the alarm" Ok I didn’t really curse God but I did think things like “that stupid butt head dog. I dislike her”… just trying to keep it PG 13 here. She must have heard the curses because this morning as I showered she decided to leave me a little gift right outside the game room and as I went to walk down stairs I stepped in a big puddle of pee. As it oozed between my toes and my new perfectly manicured toes that I did last night I cursed her again.

That’s all friends. Sorry the first post is so long but when something like this happens I just feel the need to share it with everyone. My deep down gut feeling tells me ya’ll really don’t care, but I ignore that and I believe ya’ll are on pins and needles just dying to know what happened to me last night. Thanks for caring guys! I’ll try to keep my future posts smaller and incorporate some pictures. Thanks for reading.

Side Note: I forgot to tell ya'll what happened with the phones. Earlier that evening I had been talking on the phone to my grandad. Now the idiot that I am instead of pressing end when the conversation was over I pressed mute. So that is why the phones weren't working. I blame this on my lack of home phone use in the past 5 years. 

My New Blog!!

So I’ve been thinking about creating a new blog since sometime last semester when these hilarious things kept happening to me while student teaching. I’ve finally decided to start it! I know you are all jumping for joy right now as you have most likely been checking my old china blog every day/hour/minute to see if I have updated it. Unfortunately I decided that was a blog only for China and I now need one for every day life.

I plan on just writing about the things that happen in my strange life as well as the even stranger things that go on in my head. I hope you all will enjoy this… When I say “you all” it really probably means Jenny and my mom... okay actually just my mom since Jenny is in grad school. Ok Ok I know I'm a loser but well you have to start somewhere and maybe someday my blog will grow so large that my fans will demand that I put my blog into book format and I will have written the autobiography that I plan on writing one day and everyone will want me to speak at conference's and want my autograph and I will be able to buy all the cool shoes I've ever wanted… but first I have to have a cool life though. Still working on that one. It's going to happen. Believe it.